normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
