i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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