when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
