i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
