My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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