i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
