Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
