dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
