He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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