Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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