My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
