Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
