I accidentally had phone sex last night
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
