forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
