I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
