just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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