I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
