There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
