I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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