The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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