Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
should my penis look like a turkey
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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