Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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