i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
