apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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