You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
