You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
