just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's shark week go big or go home
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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