He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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