i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
