biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
