And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
