I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
