you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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