I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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