Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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