In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
