It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
