woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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