Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
