oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
