4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
