At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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