We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
