epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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