Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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