My liver just broke up with me...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
