If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
