You're my little dorito
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
