Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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