I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
